This past week, I sent out two e-mails to two people I love and cherish very much. Interestingly enough, I don't know what sparked me to send those two e-mails. They were to two very different people, yet the content was really similar.
Sometime in the middle of this week, it really hit home for me one big thing in my life: It's actually coming together. My life is actually falling into place, albeit slowly since the first time I step foot in Boston 2 years ago. What a trying 2 years it has been. All the skepticism that surrounds being here, being in this school and what I can get out of it... I think I've beaten the odds for myself. As I know that it will be the case for these 2 very special people I e-mailed.
I can't say for sure if it's falling into place the way I wanted it to, because I never had a plan for the rest of my life anyway. I never intend to. It's hard for me to even make plans for the weekend ahead, much less say, 10 years from now.
---
Suffice to say, I love you and the last thing I want to see that you're not happy.
June 28, 2009
June 24, 2009
elation.
At face value, I could easily say that my life is god-awful. There's so many things that could (and have) gone wrong this semester, and they already have:
1) Live-to-2 trainwreck
2) Online school overkill
3) Overly ambitious soundalike project
4) Stupid conducting class
And for each bad thing that has gone wrong, I can name like 10 things that have gone well, or are going to be well:
1) The fam's doing okay, Dad's being the dad again
2) Foofoo's becoming a -effing- PILOT.
3) Lishan is going to come here in the Fall
4) Sarah's going to be in Glasgow <3
5) Awesome possum friends around here who are so willing to help me every step of the way. It's almost like they all secretly know my age and are baby-sister-ing me all the time. I love it. I love them.
6) All the bad jokes and 'That's what she said' references with Jonjon and Matty around the basement (yet another That's what she said, God help us)
7) Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean
8) Po my awesome engineer
9) Susan Rogers: I wanna be like her when I grow up.
10) Just being here.
So I might cry and whine about everything, and freak out. Oh yes, when no one's really watching, I cry my fucking eyes out. It's my own form of release, together with watching 'How I Met Your Mother'. I might cry and freak, but I know that my life's pretty fucking awesome and I wouldn't switch it for any regular, boring, old stick-in-the-mud Science degree at World-Class-University-Across-The-Charles.
I know that more often than not, I only get by emotionally because of the amazing support group I have with me:
Sean, Jess, Yu-ju, Jonjon, Beardie, Simona, Natasha (sometimes!), Brian, Matty
And I don't think they even know, sometimes, how happy and comforted they make me feel. I could have the shittiest day ever and I would walk into work and see Brian or Jonjon or Natasha and just like that, I feel happy. I could have been feeling sick and Matty would give me one of his Fifi-esque hugs (read: tall 1.9m guy bending down like 50cm to hug me) and I'll feel as fit as a fiddle. No one ever really knows, you know, and there really isn't a way to say it to them without making yourself sound like a stalker/creepy psychopath. But I just needed to put it out there.
Okay, good night, world.
1) Live-to-2 trainwreck
2) Online school overkill
3) Overly ambitious soundalike project
4) Stupid conducting class
And for each bad thing that has gone wrong, I can name like 10 things that have gone well, or are going to be well:
1) The fam's doing okay, Dad's being the dad again
2) Foofoo's becoming a -effing- PILOT.
3) Lishan is going to come here in the Fall
4) Sarah's going to be in Glasgow <3
5) Awesome possum friends around here who are so willing to help me every step of the way. It's almost like they all secretly know my age and are baby-sister-ing me all the time. I love it. I love them.
6) All the bad jokes and 'That's what she said' references with Jonjon and Matty around the basement (yet another That's what she said, God help us)
7) Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean
8) Po my awesome engineer
9) Susan Rogers: I wanna be like her when I grow up.
10) Just being here.
So I might cry and whine about everything, and freak out. Oh yes, when no one's really watching, I cry my fucking eyes out. It's my own form of release, together with watching 'How I Met Your Mother'. I might cry and freak, but I know that my life's pretty fucking awesome and I wouldn't switch it for any regular, boring, old stick-in-the-mud Science degree at World-Class-University-Across-The-Charles.
I know that more often than not, I only get by emotionally because of the amazing support group I have with me:
Sean, Jess, Yu-ju, Jonjon, Beardie, Simona, Natasha (sometimes!), Brian, Matty
And I don't think they even know, sometimes, how happy and comforted they make me feel. I could have the shittiest day ever and I would walk into work and see Brian or Jonjon or Natasha and just like that, I feel happy. I could have been feeling sick and Matty would give me one of his Fifi-esque hugs (read: tall 1.9m guy bending down like 50cm to hug me) and I'll feel as fit as a fiddle. No one ever really knows, you know, and there really isn't a way to say it to them without making yourself sound like a stalker/creepy psychopath. But I just needed to put it out there.
Okay, good night, world.
June 14, 2009
kids.
God, I need a break.
This is why humans invented summer vacations, yet I happily decided to take up a summer semester. The busiest MP&E one, plus 15 hours of workstudy and 6 credits at Bunker Hill.
And it's not that it's bad, you know, it's just... I'm lazy. And I'm caught up with stupid little things that I hate doing. Well, I don't hate cooking. I just hate the idea of cooking every single day. I'm running out of things to cook. Now I know exactly how grandma feels on a daily basis.
That and paying bills. Seriously.
And I look at my to-do list, it's not like I have a lot of things to complete either... I just can't get around to actually doing them. I am the world's best procrastinator (or one of them, anyway, my friends are pretty comparable), and especially during -that time- of the month it makes it even worse. I napped twice today, both unintentional, and it's not even 11PM yet and I can seriously fall asleep right now.
I need a break. But I can't. I want to take a break from work because it does eat up a lot of my time, but at the same time, I need the money. No money = no KRKs and no 40D. That doesn't make me happy. The ironic thing is, saving the money and buying those little gifts for myself, I don't even have time to use it. When would I even have time to take a long walk down the Charles River and photowalk my 40D?
Never.
UGH.
***
On a brighter note, I think this week I've gotten considerably closer to Matty. In my opinion at least, I wonder what he thinks. Maybe he'll read this and think I'm a creepy stalker. The only thing I'm not is a little girl-girl trying to hang with the big boys, because Matty's a 1990 baby too. That alone makes me a really happy girl, I don't know why. It's almost like we can connect on our... maturity level? Lack thereof? Anyway, Matty and I kinda talk and think in a really similar way, I like talking deep stuff with him. I've only done it once so far but I like it, and I foresee that I will like it for a long time to come. :)
I just wish he wasn't graduating so soon. Rather, I wish I wasn't graduating that late. Curse you, Music Therapy.
At least, if all goes well, we'll be walking Graduation together.
Matty gives really nice hugs too. He's as tall as Fifi, and that whole bending-down-to-give-you-a-hug thing is so adorable.
This entry isn't really going anywhere. I just wanted to put it out there, Matty, you're a nice guy. Girls love you and your voice. Hahahaha I hope we keep in touch somehow.
This is why humans invented summer vacations, yet I happily decided to take up a summer semester. The busiest MP&E one, plus 15 hours of workstudy and 6 credits at Bunker Hill.
And it's not that it's bad, you know, it's just... I'm lazy. And I'm caught up with stupid little things that I hate doing. Well, I don't hate cooking. I just hate the idea of cooking every single day. I'm running out of things to cook. Now I know exactly how grandma feels on a daily basis.
That and paying bills. Seriously.
And I look at my to-do list, it's not like I have a lot of things to complete either... I just can't get around to actually doing them. I am the world's best procrastinator (or one of them, anyway, my friends are pretty comparable), and especially during -that time- of the month it makes it even worse. I napped twice today, both unintentional, and it's not even 11PM yet and I can seriously fall asleep right now.
I need a break. But I can't. I want to take a break from work because it does eat up a lot of my time, but at the same time, I need the money. No money = no KRKs and no 40D. That doesn't make me happy. The ironic thing is, saving the money and buying those little gifts for myself, I don't even have time to use it. When would I even have time to take a long walk down the Charles River and photowalk my 40D?
Never.
UGH.
***
On a brighter note, I think this week I've gotten considerably closer to Matty. In my opinion at least, I wonder what he thinks. Maybe he'll read this and think I'm a creepy stalker. The only thing I'm not is a little girl-girl trying to hang with the big boys, because Matty's a 1990 baby too. That alone makes me a really happy girl, I don't know why. It's almost like we can connect on our... maturity level? Lack thereof? Anyway, Matty and I kinda talk and think in a really similar way, I like talking deep stuff with him. I've only done it once so far but I like it, and I foresee that I will like it for a long time to come. :)
I just wish he wasn't graduating so soon. Rather, I wish I wasn't graduating that late. Curse you, Music Therapy.
At least, if all goes well, we'll be walking Graduation together.
Matty gives really nice hugs too. He's as tall as Fifi, and that whole bending-down-to-give-you-a-hug thing is so adorable.
This entry isn't really going anywhere. I just wanted to put it out there, Matty, you're a nice guy. Girls love you and your voice. Hahahaha I hope we keep in touch somehow.
June 6, 2009
youthful.
I have these little flashbacks that pop into my head once in a while. Some are stories which I don't remember but have been told time and again so often that it's almost like I remember experiencing it.
The infamous story about how I used to beg for candy from Daddy, giving my famous quote "多一个就不要了." ("One more and I promise I'll stop asking")
The story about protective Kor and his kicking the school bus tires when no one admitted to bullying me.
"奶奶在睡觉". That's the only memory I have of my paternal grandma. Saying those words, who knew that would be the last time I was seeing her.
The long flight to Hawaii when I was 5 and puking in the convertible.
The trip to Tioman Island when Mommy mis-stepped off the jetty trying to get on the speedboat and landed straight in the water.
***
Daddy bringing Kor and I to the Marina Square arcade and ALWAYS playing the toy-catching game for us. We'd go there every week and we always came back with a huge bag of toys. Mom was not impressed. I still go to arcades every once in a while and make my own way to the toy-catching section. I never play, because I never used to. Daddy always did. I just stand there and think about the good old times.
David and Dafu, Kor's and my first stuffed toys. The tiger and the hippo with the buck teeth.
Crying at Teacher Ivan's piano lessons whenever Miss Soh was on vacation.
Sitting at Yicha for HOURS with Nan Da, Yu Ngai and Sarah trying to complete our theory test papers. Miss Soh feeling bad for us that she went downstaird to buy hot chocolate.
***
I don't know where I'm heading with this.
16 hours of studio this coming week. Yay? Nay? I'll tell you next week.
The infamous story about how I used to beg for candy from Daddy, giving my famous quote "多一个就不要了." ("One more and I promise I'll stop asking")
The story about protective Kor and his kicking the school bus tires when no one admitted to bullying me.
"奶奶在睡觉". That's the only memory I have of my paternal grandma. Saying those words, who knew that would be the last time I was seeing her.
The long flight to Hawaii when I was 5 and puking in the convertible.
The trip to Tioman Island when Mommy mis-stepped off the jetty trying to get on the speedboat and landed straight in the water.
***
Daddy bringing Kor and I to the Marina Square arcade and ALWAYS playing the toy-catching game for us. We'd go there every week and we always came back with a huge bag of toys. Mom was not impressed. I still go to arcades every once in a while and make my own way to the toy-catching section. I never play, because I never used to. Daddy always did. I just stand there and think about the good old times.
David and Dafu, Kor's and my first stuffed toys. The tiger and the hippo with the buck teeth.
Crying at Teacher Ivan's piano lessons whenever Miss Soh was on vacation.
Sitting at Yicha for HOURS with Nan Da, Yu Ngai and Sarah trying to complete our theory test papers. Miss Soh feeling bad for us that she went downstaird to buy hot chocolate.
***
I don't know where I'm heading with this.
16 hours of studio this coming week. Yay? Nay? I'll tell you next week.
June 3, 2009
the alibi district.
Look, here I am, talking to myself
More than anyone these days
Looking around for help, talking to myself
Not a soul cares in this place
Shameless plug for my very talented friend Matt McArthur :) And awesomepossum bass player Annie!
The Alibi District
I like to think about it this way: 4 MPE majors getting together to make an EP = epic sounds and production. 2 inch tape!
-----
Work's been pretty effing awesome. Jon and I make an epic webteam. I'm the apple fritter provider and the always-right-and-have-a-point-but-never-know-how-to-code-it designer, and Jon's the always-wrong-but-paid-more-to-know-how-to-code-stuff programmer. Haaaa. We were just way on top of our work today, and just getting work done one after another assignment. Like I came in at 11 and we solved the schedule viewer in about an hour (spent another 2 hours testing it), did all the stuff on our to-do list, added FB badges to the classes pages... like BAM, BAM, BAM, we got stuff done.
For once. HAHA. I think I'm content with my job :)
More than anyone these days
Looking around for help, talking to myself
Not a soul cares in this place
Shameless plug for my very talented friend Matt McArthur :) And awesomepossum bass player Annie!
The Alibi District
I like to think about it this way: 4 MPE majors getting together to make an EP = epic sounds and production. 2 inch tape!
-----
Work's been pretty effing awesome. Jon and I make an epic webteam. I'm the apple fritter provider and the always-right-and-have-a-point-but-never-know-how-to-code-it designer, and Jon's the always-wrong-but-paid-more-to-know-how-to-code-stuff programmer. Haaaa. We were just way on top of our work today, and just getting work done one after another assignment. Like I came in at 11 and we solved the schedule viewer in about an hour (spent another 2 hours testing it), did all the stuff on our to-do list, added FB badges to the classes pages... like BAM, BAM, BAM, we got stuff done.
For once. HAHA. I think I'm content with my job :)
May 20, 2009
for you.
For the lack of a better way to even try and put what I feel right now into words... I pretty much feel like the shittiest bestie on earth right now. How could I not have known, could not have felt something was up, could not feel that my bestie was hurting so much? Silent suffering speaks volumes more than anything else; yet I was deaf to it. I could have been there for him, heck, should have been there for him, and I wasn't. I saw you last week too, and I still couldn't even see. Argh.
But I digress. This isn't about me right now. It's about my bestie.
I'm sorry, bestie, for being so distanced from you. Forgive me? You were, and still are, my source of comfort and confidement, I can but only wish that I can help me as you did before.
I can but only wish.
But I digress. This isn't about me right now. It's about my bestie.
I'm sorry, bestie, for being so distanced from you. Forgive me? You were, and still are, my source of comfort and confidement, I can but only wish that I can help me as you did before.
I can but only wish.
tomorrow.
I miss us. Something about us was amazing, something about us allowed us to stick together till this very day. 2 days meant, and still means, forever for us.
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